Over-the-Counter Birth Control and Your Teen

“No prescription or doctor’s exam needed: The nation’s largest group of obstetricians and gynecologists says birth control pills should be sold over the counter, like condoms.” -Huffington Post

There’s no doubt that many parents and parent groups will be outraged at the availability of birth control for their 8th grade girl. Some very influential doctors are pushing for this to happen, but don’t expect it to occur anytime soon. 

Dr. Kavita Nanda contends that unintended pregnancies have been a major health issue for the last twenty years and easier access to birth control could help. Well, I think telling people that if they have sex, there’s an immense chance they’ll get pregnant would also be a good idea.

If the pill is sold over the counter, don’t miss the point that if your daughter buys birth control without your knowledge, this is a symptom of a much bigger problem. 

Parents will scream that it encourages sexual activity and puts girls at risk of other dangers. I agree, but these same parents may not have much of a relationship with their daughter. They may have the type of home where they don’t communicate with one another. So, while they are screaming at what the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists are doing, blaming them for the promiscuity of their daughter, they are neglecting their relationship with the one they can directly affect for the better. 

Speak to your doctor, your state representative, and anyone else who you think can affect this wide-reaching policy, but make sure you are also speaking to your precious child about the dangers of a promiscuous life-style. Girls on the Edge and Strong Fathers/Strong Daughters are great resources for this topic.



Sponsored Link

Highly praised behavioral program for parents of ODD kids. Free Offer

Why Your Wife (& Daughter) Love Edward, Jacob, and the Twilight Series


Millions of women and girls will be flocking to theaters this weekend to see the much-anticipated finale of Twilight; a love story between a mortal and a vampire. Sounds great doesn’t it? With all the glory this movie gets, it also receives its fair share of gaffs from people who scoff at the very idea. I don’t think it’s all that bad.
Regardless of which side you’re on, Team Edward, Team Jacob, or team “give me a break,” at the heart of Twilight is the ageless conflict surrounding two love-struck people. Shakespeare understood it when he wrote “Romeo and Juliet,” and if men today can understand it, they might become better husbands. Here’s why.
First, Edward fights for Bella. This is what your wife wants. Someone who will fight to show her that he is the one who can make her happy. If the man makes his wife happy, she will make him happy, so quit waiting on her to change. You must continue to pursue her the way you did in the beginning of your relationship. It was a beautiful dance then and can be today.
Second, Edwards wants to protect Bella. Throughout the story he lies, attempts suicide, and is generally tormented by the fact that by being with him, she is in danger somehow. Your wife’s well-being should be at the forefront of your thoughts too. This is what she wants. This is why she likes it so much when you think of her first; just because you love her.
Third, Jacob, the competing suitor, loves Bella too. For most of the series anyway Jacob works to win Bella’s heart away from Edward. Your wife loves this back and forth conflict. It shows that Bella is desirable and this is what your wife wants you to think of her. A man who works to show his wife that he chooses her everyday, will have a happy wife. Putting things before her 100% of the time when you could use some of your time to spend with her says you are not choosing her. 
Finally, Edward respects Bella. He was born over 100 years ago and thus has a different value system than young people today. So, he saves himself sexually for marriage. Coming from a guy, this type of chivalry will mean a lot to your daughter. Many girls work to win guys over with the promise (or at least the thought) of sexual activity. Well, many guys will respond and then leave the girl in his dust. This can have negative long-term emotional effects on your little girl. Help her see that a boy who loves her will not require that she give her body to him outside of marriage.
Women enjoy love stories because it is what they want in their own lives. Someone to fight for them, protect them, love them, and respect/understand them. Give her these things and you’ll have a happy marriage. Team Edward all the way.


Buy my Kindle book at Amazon and get out of the dog house tonight.

The Us Factor™ Program
You CAN have a great marriage.
Learn the secrets to loving well.
www.TheUsFactor.com

REVIEW: Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters The 30 Day Challenge by Meg Meeker, MD


Why does a female MD write a book that helps males be better dads for their daughters? Because she believes we have a lot to offer them, things that can make them great women someday. This goes against our culture’s notion that men can’t possibly understand their daughters. Unfortunately, men believe this and consequently take themselves out of their daughters’ lives in one-way or another. Meeker is helping to remedy this.

In Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: The 30-Day Challenge,author Meg Meeker helps men see the God given abilities that can help them be an extremely important part of their daughters’ lives. Dads show their daughters what men are, who God is, and how the world doesn’t wants what’s best for them; only dad and mom do.

The book covers the same topics as her original work, Strong Fathers, Strong Daughters: 10 Secrets Every Father Should Know. 1) You are the most important man in her life. 2) She needs a hero. 3) You are her first love. 4) Teach her humility. 5) Protect and Defend her. 6) Pragmatism and Grit, Two of Your Greatest Assets 7) Be the man you want her to marry. 8) Teach her who God is. 9) Teach her to fight. 10) Keep her connected. She recommends reading certain chapters in this book. However, even if you don’t buy the 10 Secrets book, you get a lot of information from the Challenge book. This latter edition is particularly good for men who don’t have a habit of reading. Any man, if he cares to know more about his daughter, will read the thirty chapters, each of which are no more than four pages long.

Each chapter will help you grow as a man, and you will see that this is important because your daughter will someday marry someone like you. As Meeker says, “Women gravitate towards the familiar.” At the end of each chapter is a challenge engineered to help dads authentically engage with their daughters. Doing this can be awkward for dads but through Meeker’s coaching, any dad can do it. I wouldn’t recommend doing each activity one day after another. This will seem fake. However, a well-planned activity based on Meeker’s suggestions will do wonders for your relationship with your daughter. Furthermore, some activities are appropriate for younger girls while others are more for older ones. One of Meeker’s last directives is to put the book up for a while when you’re done, and refer back to it from time-to-time. I agree.

Meeker discusses men’s natural strengths without apology and identifies how they counteract the weaknesses of women. While this will enrage some feminists, it also allows her to speak directly to the heart of the dads reading, encouraging them to “man-up.” Too many dads sit on their thumbs, and remember, it’s a book for dads, not moms. Meeker’s frank authorship and knowledge of the worries and fears of today’s dads make this book a must-read for every man who wants to do his best for his family.

Think you can’t reach your daughter? Whether you only see her on the weekends or every single night, Meeker’s thoughts can help guide you to a better relationship with your little girl so you can shape her into a woman who will make you proud.

My Parental Thoughts On "Looking for Alaska" by John Green

My son’s soon to be high school (in 7 years) recently was told by its board of education to pull the book, Looking for Alaska from an English class because of its racy content. Having read excerpts, I wouldn’t want my high schooler reading it. However, let us not be so blind to think that teenagers don’t know what sex is. Also, let us not be so ignorant to think that large portions of teens aren’t having sex. They are. Not the majority, but they are.


One person said this in the Tennessean article, “Where I hesitate and get concerned is when one parent is making the decision for every student in the class.” I agree to an extent. We are free in this country and can work to change things in ways that we deem best. I suppose I can say this gladly because I’m on the winning side of this one. I hate it when the “squeaky wheel” gets its way too, but in this situation, it sounds like more than just one noisy parent. But even if it is, once one has spoken out and changed it, why does anyone else need to say anything?




Looking for Alaska may be for educational purposes but that doesn’t mean I have to allow my child to read it. I wouldn’t let my child watch a teen sex scene on TV (which would be considered illegal child pornography) so why would I allow him to read this book? I don’t care how much the book draws on an “awkward, un-fun, disastrous and wholly un-erotic scene.” I appreciate Green’s other intended message that he said was “physical intimacy can never stand in for emotional closeness” but I can teach this moral lesson to my son just fine. Green could have gotten the same message across with less explicit language but I suppose we wouldn’t be talking about it now would we? Also, it’s a basic principle that literature is art and sometimes art offends.
It also seems hypocritical that we work to preach abstinence to teens and then allow them to read something that will do nothing but cause huge amounts of sexual frustration. Boys especially are thinking about sex, a lot. Do you actually believe a seventeen-year-old boy will be able to read the passage, separate the physical act from the social commentary and then engage intellectually with the rest of the class, having no thought of his girlfriend or the attractive blonde sitting next to him? Get real, people! Why put him through this?
I know some parents have a different view than me and put their children on birth control because “they are just going to do it anyway.” Well, this in no way teaches boundaries or self-control; two incredible qualities to possess. In fact, it’s a free pass to do whatever one wants. Should contraception be taught? Sure, but not without discussing clear guidelines regarding your family’s values towards abstinence and premarital-sex. Babies come from sex and disease can come from multiple partners. This will definitely be “learned in college” the hard way if a teen isn’t prepared.
What bothers me more about this whole issue is hidden from plain sight. Inherent in this issue is the divide between teens and parents. All too often parents reach out and grasp at air when trying to stop their teen from destructive behavior. They have waited too long and have allowed a gulf to separate them. By the late teen years, the expanse is so great that the parent has little to no influence over the child. How tragic.
When a person says, “Teens should be allowed to read the book” they are assuming that the teen has the final say over what he/she does. This is what is wrong with adults today. Adults believe that a teen can find her own way. That she can take care of herself. I’ve seen too many girls destroy themselves to believe this is good parenting. I’ve seen too many girls who needed to be dragged out of their drug dealer’s house to think that a teen or for that matter a good-intentioned adult can take care of my child better than me. Whether it’s in relationships, personal behavior, or even literature, a teen should not have the final say in what he does. If he did, parents wouldn’t be needed.
There will be struggles, rebellion and lots of rolled eyes from the teen but it is our job to lead them and help them take on values that we believe will get them through life. It’s my child; not the school’s. Also, if this means skipping a book, so be it. There’s plenty more to read.

CEU Credit on the topic of Self-Injury

New training offered by Renewed Vision Counseling Services, an NBCC approved training for 1 hour of clock credit with access to the material for 45 days. 


In this podcast, Dale discusses self-injury with Susan Bowman, counselor and co-author of titles such as 102 Creative Strategies for Working with Depressed Children/Adolescents and Breaking Free: A Memoir of A Teenage Runaway. 

Visit Renewed Vision Training and click on Podcasts.



Dale can speak to your parent group, school, or organization about this topic. Contact him for more information.




CEU Credit on the Topic of Eating Disorders

New training offered by Renewed Vision Counseling Services, an NBCC approved training for 1 hour of clock credit with access to the material for 45 days. 


In this podcast, Dale discusses eating disorders with Licensed Professional Counselor, Kay Arnold. Find out the cultural and psychological ramifications of food and how it affects children, teens, and adults. 





Visit Renewed Vision Training and click on Podcasts.

Dale can speak to your parent group, school, or organization about this topic. Contact him for more information.



CEU Credit on the Topic of ADHD in Children and Adults

New training offered by Renewed Vision Counseling Services, an NBCC approved training for 1 hour of clock credit with access to the material for 45 days. 

In this podcast, Dale discusses ADHD with Dr. Steve Johnson, of Tennessee Pediatrics in Hendersonville, TN. Listen as they discuss ADHD in children, adults and what can be done to ensure the success of both. 



Visit Renewed Vision Training and click on Podcasts.


Dale can speak to your parent group, school, or organization about this topic. Contact him for more information.


CEU Credit on the Topic of Bullying

New training offered by Renewed Vision Counseling Services, an NBCC approved training for 1 hour of clock credit with access to the material for 45 days. 

In this episode, Dale discusses bullying with Susan Bowman. Susan is a counselor and co-author of 102 Creative Strategies for Working with Depressed Children & Adolescents and Breaking Free: A Memoir of A Teenage Runaway
Visit Renewed Vision Training and click on Podcasts.




The Emotional Effects of Video Games on Boys


New training offered by Renewed Vision Counseling Services for parents who need help and counselors who need continuing education credits ( CEU .)

There is a link between boys who play video games all night, care little about their grades, and are content to live with their parents well into adulthood. In this session, Dale explains the deeply rooted emotional effects video games have on boys and why apathy is more than just a phase. He covers all sorts of games from the educational to the most violent. Video game addiction is also discussed. The session ends with ways you can help your son or client turn from the games and towards a more productive lifestyle. 

This training is good for parents since it contains practical advice. It is also good for counselors who need continuing education credits. It is an NBCC approved training for 2 hours of clock credit. Once purchased, you will have access to the material for 45 days. Visit Renewed Vision Training and click on Marriage and Family.

Dale can speak to your parent group, school, or organization about this issue. Contact him for more information.

Tennessee School Counselors and Administrator Institute Murfreesboro, TN 2012

I will be speaking at this upcoming year’s Tennessee School Counselors and Administrators Leadership Institute, February 5-7, 2012 at the Embassy Suites Hotel and Conference Center in Murfreesboro, TN. This will be my fourth time presenting. My actual sessions will be on February 6, 10AM-11:15AM and then February 7, 9:30AM-10:45AM. Click here for more information and I look forward to seeing you there. Below is a description of my session.



The Emotional Effects of Video Games on Boys
Ever wonder why boys aren’t particularly interested in much until it comes to their video games? The average boy spends more than thirteen hours a week playing and it has been proven that video games release dopamine (the pleasure chemical of the brain) in much the same way drugs release it. There is a correlation between boys who play all night, care little about their grades, and are content to live with their parents well into adulthood. In this session, Dale will explain the deeply rooted emotional effects video games have on boys and why apathy is more than just a phase.