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Dale Sadler is an affiliate of Legacy Publishing Company.

Does James Lehman’s Total Transformation Really Work?

I have written a review for each of the audio CDs in James Lehman’s Total Transformation program; all of them favorable. I agree with Lehman primarily because his theory of choice is from a family systems approach; my chosen theory. Bowen and Satir would be proud. He is also rooted in behavior therapy; another favorite of mine. My critiques in this post are mostly about inherent shortcomings with a kit-type product like the Total Transformation (TT) and others that Legacy Publishing sells.

First, if you’re happy with your family and the relationship you have with your child, don’t buy this product. I believe Lehman would agree with me on this one. If you’re doing the exact opposite of what is taught in the TT program, but you’re happy, what business does any counselor have telling you anything? None. We may look at your family and think, “that can’t be healthy,” but beauty is in the eye of the beholder and counselors are in the business of helping people who want to be helped. They are not running around trying to condemn the world. “But when Jesus heard this, He said, ‘It is not those who are healthy who need a physician, but those who are sick.'” (Matthew 9:12)

Second, you may be at your wits end with your child or teen. You have tried almost everything and now you are ready to fork over some money for a program that may or may not work. It may work, if it’s what you need. What Lehman shows you may be the key to getting your child back under control. It may not work if what he says does not fit your situation. This is where a good counselor would come in to play. While we try to microwave everything these days there’s very little that can truly replace the effectiveness of real human contact. By going to a mental health professional, face to face, he or she can help with your exact needs. If you’re child is upset because of a divorce, TT may help you get your child under control, but it won’t help your child deal with the pain he is experiencing.

Another thing that real counselors can do is hold you accountable. Behavior change is very difficult. This is why we have weight loss counselors, financial counselors, and mental health counselors; humans have a tough time doing things on their own. We need someone to say, “Hey, you know better than that.” The CDs in the TT program have lots of useful information that you may totally agree with and understand but putting it into practice is an entirely different matter. This is why I think a group of parents could purchase the program and begin a support group, or see a counselor in addition to using the TT. Either will increase your likelihood of success. “‘And He also spoke a parable to them: ‘A blind man cannot guide a blind man, can he? Will they not both fall into a pit?'” (Luke 6:39)

If your parenting needs a tune up or you need to gain some major control, The Total Transformation is for you. However, if you have a tough time with change, self-discipline, or there’s a deeper matter involved, I hope some of my suggestions above will prove useful. God bless.

Call 1-866-798-5608 or visit The Total Transformation for a FREE OFFER where you can receive your money back on the purchase price of the Total Transformation.


Defiant Child Behavior problems

Click here to read my other Total Transformation reviews.

Dale Sadler is an affiliate of Legacy Publishing Company.

REVIEW of James Lehman’s Total Transformation DISC 7 "How to Stop It Before It Starts."

Emotions must be managed. Kids and teens do not have the experience, know how, or capacity to do this on their own. When she screams because the bottle won’t go in the doll’s mouth, it’s not because “she’s just like her mother.” It’s also not because she needs some sort of mind-altering drug. She simply needs to be taught to manage her emotions. Anger, fear, rage, sadness; all of these are important and must be understood. Throwing a video game controller through a wall is not usually a sign of anything except someone who needs to learn to manage his emotions. Too many boys and girls have excuses made for them because they lose their temper. I often tell perplexed moms and dads that their child doesn’t have an “anger problem” until he or she begins hurting small animals.

Mom and dad may have trouble managing their emotions too so disc 7 is what is needed if growth is to occur in both the kids and adults of the house. Lehman describes his method as “trigger management.” Kids must learn what triggers their emotions so they can avoid it or learn its place in their lives. This involves the child managing his thoughts. Thoughts must be managed because they start and maintain anger as well as all the other emotions you see your child going through on a daily basis. A child’s perception/thought of the situation begin the anger and cause it to continue through the dramatic fit you witness on a regular basis. Lehman teaches you to shape your child’s thinking of his own emotions. Rather than reacting out of pure feelings, Lehman’s method teaches your child to handle difficult situations with their thoughts. They have kid perceptions, not adult perceptions, and they must learn that changing themselves is a lot easier than trying to control the world around them with tantrums and outbursts.

Call 1-866-798-5608 or visit The Total Transformation for a FREE OFFER where you can receive your money back on the purchase price of the Total Transformation.


Defiant Child Behavior problems

Click here to read my other Total Transformation reviews.

Dale Sadler is an affiliate of Legacy Publishing Company.

REVIEW of James Lehman’s Total Transformation DISC 6 "What to Do After Your Child Acts Out."

You may understand how to handle your child’s disruptive behavior. But, what do you do while he is interacting with others and when you don’t see what happened? How you interact with your child during this time can give you lots of power or give it all to him. You must assert your authority as a parent even when there’s a chance you might be wrong.

While he’s justifying his actions and telling you why he pulled his sister’s hair, you must ask yourself, “What really happened?” What you hear in these high stress and sometimes extremely loud situations is his perception and because kids are notorious for trying to get themselves out of trouble, you must decipher truth from fiction. You see his sister crying with pain, but for some reason his side of the story makes it seem like he was thwarting off a near death experience or that he did it for the good of the country. He will run you around in circles with what he thinks happened. Rather than yelling at your kid, disc 6 can help you process what happened and get to the truth so that sanity can be re-established.

Call 1-866-798-5608 or visit The Total Transformation for a FREE OFFER where you can receive your money back on the purchase price of the Total Transformation.


Defiant Child Behavior problems

Click here to read my other Total Transformation reviews.

Dale Sadler is an affiliate of Legacy Publishing Company.

REVIEW of James Lehman’s Total Transformation DISC 5 "Understanding Faulty Thinking"

One pattern that keeps kids in control and parents searching for answers is “faulty thinking.” I like to call it “stinky thinking.” One example of stinky thinking is overemphasizing something. When you are reprimanding your teen and you begin to explain why you want him to look you in the eye, unless this is what you were originally talking about, it’s a mistake. You get off topic and may even forget about what he was in trouble for to begin with. You must stay on topic to get the desired result.

Kids aren’t little adults. They think like kids. For instance, kids think that if something happens once it should happen all the time. Don’t get pulled into this. Explain to them why they are only getting one scoop of ice cream instead of two or why they must now go to bed at 8 instead of 9. Tell them and leave it at that.

Aggressive kids are good at minimization. “I only kicked him once. It didn’t hurt that bad. I just called him a jerk.” Minimizing their bad behavior is a child’s attempt at making you think it wasn’t all that bad either. “Well, maybe it wasn’t THAT bad.” Remember, no excuse for abuse.

By understanding your child’s faulty thinking you’ll be able to communicate better and help him understand appropriate vs. inappropriate behavior. Just because Junior thinks it’s OK, doesn’t mean that it is. He needs help seeing this.

Call 1-866-798-5608 or visit The Total Transformation for a FREE OFFER where you can receive your money back on the purchase price of the Total Transformation.


Defiant Child Behavior problems

Click here to read my other Total Transformation reviews.

Dale Sadler is an affiliate of Legacy Publishing Company.

REVIEW of James Lehman’s Total Transformation DISC 4 "Transformation Tools"

When a parent is struggling with a disobedient child, one mistake many make is bearing too much of the responsibility for change. Parents are responsible for implementing better skills in dealing with their children but they cannot take on 100% of the pressure to do better. The child is ultimately responsible. If he breaks the law, he goes to jail. Certainly, a parent might be held responsible in some states but what I’m referring to here is parents realizing where they end and where their child begins. Lehman contends that if the concepts are used, there’s a good chance the kid will change; especially if the concepts are used consistently.

Lots of older kids and teenagers are excellent at making excuses and many parents are good at accepting them. The teen breaks rules but always seems to have an excuse for his actions. Lehman says to accept no excuse for abuse. When your teenage son hits you and begins to tell you why it was your fault, there’s something wrong. This should not be negotiated. There should be a ground rule that says, “No excuse for abuse” with obvious consequences that follow. Otherwise, the overgrown fifteen year old will run the house.

To combat this you should always use direct statements. When you want something to happen, be firm and clear and direct. Demand what you want and expect it to happen. After you demand an action, walk away. Standing around waiting for it to happen compels your child to respond. The only response should be him following through with what you asked.

Have you ever said, “Come on Krista, you know what time bed is.” To Krista, this is a request. Sort of like saying, “Krista, let’s go to bed, OK?” Ending a sentence in OK makes it a request also. If you have an unruly child, you must be direct, “It’s 9 o’clock, time to go to bed.” Now, it may take some time to get your child to understand your new way of speaking but with the other concepts in the Total Transformation, you can.

Call 1-866-798-5608 or visit The Total Transformation for a FREE OFFER where you can receive your money back on the purchase price of the Total Transformation.


Defiant Child Behavior problems

Click here to read my other Total Transformation reviews.

Dale Sadler is an affiliate of Legacy Publishing Company.

REVIEW of James Lehman’s Total Transformation DISC 3 "Breaking Through"

Too many kids are not held accountable for their actions. Disc three teaches parents the culture of accountability. The parent will say, “I’m going to pay the bills. This is how I’m going to act and you (the child) are going to do your homework and talk to me appropriately.” Without being held accountable, the child will do whatever feels good. Disc three teaches some basic rules to help parents become more effective in holding themselves but especially their children accountable.

The first is the Training and Coaching rule. Parents are training and coaching their kids through life. They are doing this so that the kids will be ready to leave home at the appropriate time. Because of good training and coaching, kids will learn how to handle their emotions appropriately. It has been said that the best things parents can give their kids are roots and wings. A child must become independent over time or he will forever be a child.

Another rule disc three teaches is responsible love and concern. This type of love and concern says, “I love you so I’m not going to lie to the police for you.” It also says that you, the parent, do not like the behavior of someone who assaults you; something too many parents experience. A sheltering rule can sometimes be taken too far by parents as it enables bad behavior in kids and teens. Holding kids accountable in a responsible way can teach them a great deal.

Call 1-866-798-5608 or visit The Total Transformation for a FREE OFFER where you can receive your money back on the purchase price of the Total Transformation.


Defiant Child Behavior problems

Click here to read my other Total Transformation reviews.

Dale Sadler is an affiliate of Legacy Publishing Company.

REVIEW of James Lehman’s Total Transformation DISC 2 "Why Won’t My Child Listen to Me?"

Visit my new page on Oppositional Defiant Disorder.

James Lehman, in his Total Transformation program (DISC 2), says that parents have an ideal child in mind before they ever start parenting. They want a child who listens and is respectful, but sometimes they get a child who has other ideas. James Dobson writes about these strong willed children in his book, The New Strong Willed Child. I recommend this as well if you are struggling to understand your child. In any case, all children, especially those who challenge authority, require a firm and consistent parent who will help him or her learn to manage his behavior on his own. This should be the goal of every parent.

Children react to what parents do and sometimes parents do ineffective things. Lehman, in disc 2, describes the ineffectiveness of “Over Negotiating.” You tell Tommy that it’s time to go to bed. Well, he doesn’t want to go to bed. He wants to watch television. This begins a negotiation pattern between parent and child in an effort to decide when bedtime will occur. Shouldn’t the parent make this decision? A parent, who over negotiates on matters like this, teaches her child that, “I don’t mean what I say the first time. I need your input to make a decision.” This is a dangerous scenario.

Ever wonder why your child won’t listen to you the first time? It may be because you have created a negotiation framework between you and your child. Please keep in mind though that the key word is “over.” Certainly, negotiating about a restaurant or what shirt to wear is a different matter. Unless the parent sees a reason to go one way or the other, asking for your child’s input is a good practice in certain situations. It communicates love by showing them you value their opinion. When over negotiating occurs, the parent is giving the child too much power in important areas. So, instead of the parent making a decision in the best interest of the child, the child gets his way a lot more than he should.

When you say something, you must mean it, and expect your child to follow through. Anything less, drastically throws off the balance of power and the child gains a foothold in areas that should be left exclusively to parental decision making. As these children become teenagers, the topics carry more weight and the teen more aggressively exercises the decision making power he has had for years. This leads to heated family arguments and the teen engaging in dangerous behavior by making his own decisions. He’s always helped his parent make decisions. Why should he stop now? This is a very common issue in families and disc 2 does an excellent job of sorting it out.

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REVIEW of James Lehman’s Total Transformation: An Overview

I work full-time as a middle school counselor and have also done in-home private counseling. Through my experiences I have seen many families have difficulty with their children and teens. Children act in ways that get them what they want. For example, a child will throw a tantrum because he or she knows his parent will give him what he wants. So, instead of acting in a positive manner, the child has learned that negative behavior does the trick. So, why do anything different? If this describes your home life, I recommend The Total Transformation.

Lehman’s program does an excellent job of teaching parents how to turn negative behavior patterns around. Children can drive you crazy, but they are only doing what they are supposed to do; be children. As a parent, you must learn how to respond to your child. Lehman says that too many parents let their children drive their parenting style. The parenting style should drive the children. They’re not adults and will back-talk, be lazy, and challenge you in many ways. If you want to stop yelling and start getting results, The Total Transformation is the way to do it.

Lehman makes a strong claim in his CD that is supposed to help parents turn their child’s attitude around in one minute or less. While this sounds far-fetched, his tactics are real and are grounded in principals that counselors and successful parents have used for years. If applied effectively, fifteen seconds is all it will take. Changing your parenting style is not easy, but neither is living with a child you are not enjoying.

It is your responsibility as the parent to take charge. If you don’t, who will? What you’re currently doing may not be effective, otherwise, you’d be pleased with your child. Lehman’s program looks at parenting styles that are ineffective and then shows alternatives that work. These alternatives are what counselors and therapists try to teach their clients who are having the same struggles you may be having. Your eyes will be open to how you can immediately change your child’s behavior.

I have read and heard parents say, “Just give them a good spanking” or “Take everything out of their room, it worked for mine.” While it may work for some parents, I have seen these tactics fail miserably. The child is just too strong willed and punishments don’t get the job done. He’ll take a spanking if it means he won an argument or can go out this weekend. This program does not have secrets to punishing your child, but rather it teaches you how to interact with him or her, actually lessening the need for “punishments.” This interaction is what will make the long term difference in your home life and in the lives of your children for years to come.

This program will teach you:
How to not argue with your child.
How to say something once and your child comply.
How to use fewer punishments.

Parenting shouldn’t be about scaring your child into submission, but rather it should be about molding him into who you want him to become. The Total Transformation program will help you become the parent that does just that.

Call 1-866-798-5608 or visit The Total Transformation for a FREE OFFER where you can receive your money back on the purchase price of the Total Transformation.


Defiant Child Behavior problems

Click here to read my other Total Transformation reviews.

Dale Sadler is an affiliate of Legacy Publishing Company.

REVIEW of James Lehman’s Total Transformation Disc 1 "Why Does My Child Act This Way?"

One of the things that is plain to see early in the program is that it is easy to listen to. Not only is it in simple English but it’s on a CD and can be listened to in the car or on an ipod. If you are going to hone your skills as a parent, you must do so privately. Children are smart enough to figure out what you’re doing which can give them power to thwart your efforts. So, the format of this program is a winner from the start.

A basic element in counseling is the observation of behavior. What is going on within the family or relationship that is causing the conflict? Counselors must answer this question if they are to help their clients.The first audio CD is entitled, “Why Does My Child Act This Way?” It does a superb job of helping parents identify the “why?” of negative behavior in their children. Too many parents ask, “What do I need to do?” without realizing that they need to stop looking inward for answers and simply work to understand their child. This disc helps with that.

I know that the actions of children, and especially teens, can be mind-boggling but they don’t have to be. When a parent can understand his or her child’s rude and disrespectful behavior, the frustrations will lessen as understanding and pro-active parenting are able to take over. Disc one in the program explains behavior and begins the first step in empowering parents with the knowledge they need to constructively mold their children.

Call 1-866-798-5608 or visit The Total Transformation for a FREE OFFER where you can receive your money back on the purchase price of the Total Transformation.


Defiant Child Behavior problems

Click here to read my other Total Transformation reviews.

Dale Sadler is an affiliate of Legacy Publishing Company.