Marriages can end rather quickly. When a couple starts a life together, and they do not tend to that relationship, they slowly become enemies rather than friends. How does this happen?
First, you think the other person doesn’t care for you. Some couples believe they are fine. “Nothing is happening,” they tell me. Well, this is a problem because nothing is happening. There are no movements towards affection, joy, or anything that resembles happiness. The two spouses just pass by one another in the hallway like strangers. This lack of activity with one another can lead to an unfulfilling marriage and can cause someone to want to seek affection elsewhere.
Second, you are bored. Routine in a marriage can remove the spark but it doesn’t have to be this way. You can make time for one another. Married life is like walking over a hilly plain. The two of you are together early on but for various reasons, one of you continues over a hill or goes on in a different direction without the other. You are still close by, but cannot see one another. This creates a feeling of isolation even though you are in the same area. You must join on a regular basis through recreational activities, conversation, and sex. All three of these must be fulfilling.
Third, stress can also lead your marriage down a distressing path. Stress is a part of this marriage or your next three so why not work on this one? Learn to communicate better and learn to work as a team with your spouse. This is the only way you will make it together.
Finally, you find someone else. When the above three issues are going against your marriage, anyone can seem appealing. They talk to you at work, they are nice, and they seem to enjoy your company. They also have none of the baggage that you signed on for when you got married: kids, bills, and responsibilities. This “baggage” can be a good thing if you are handling things right. You can enjoy your kids and the other responsibilities that come with a family or you can loathe them. In any case, when you choose to have a physical or emotional affair with someone, you are choosing to destroy the other life you have built.
The second marriage has a tremendous chance of failure. You must make your current marriage work if there is even the slightest chance that you want it to because it is really up to you. You’re never too far gone in your marriage if you’re willing to make the journey back. When you think you stop marital problems at a divorce, all you really serve to do is trade those problems for a whole new set and actually, your problems can grow. You will continue to have marital issues if you don’t resolve bad habits and now you have an ex-spouse/parent of your children to deal with.
If you must divorce, or if you have, and your current marriage is good, then you are doing something right. Sometimes things do get better because you mature or you leave a frightfully bad situation. However, I’m afraid to say that this is the exception rather than the rule. Chances are you will leave your marriage hurt, you won’t be the best of friends, and finding happiness elsewhere (that will last) is going to be really difficult.