What does it mean to be a man? Sadly, many don’t know. Our society desperately needs strong men. We need men who love their children and adore their wives limitlessly. Unfortunately, to many men, their ideal status is beer and TV. Give me a break.
The latest generation of boys to have started families was raised on video games and the negative father stereotype. The concept of getting drunk on the weekends was not a staple for college movies, it was what you did. Drug use is expected and a condescending view of women is typical.
We need a manly revival. One that expects men to do things differently. To live as their fathers and great-grandfathers did in many respects. If you are not doing the following three things, you are not a man.
First, do you put the wants and needs of your family second to your own? This is the trait of a good leader. A problem I see in marriages is that the man is constantly working to defend his selfish actions. Rarely do I see a man working to make excuses because he was acting in the best interest of his family.
Second, are you working to improve yourself in a variety of ways? By staying where you are, don’t expect your children to excel. Don’t expect to live up to your dreams and don’t expect your wife to admire you very much.
Finally, are you working to be an example to those around you or are you playing to the lowest common denominator in the room? Nothing says, “I have morals” like a man who says no to things he disagrees with and works to make things better in ways that he appreciates.
If you don’t know what it means to be a man, read, read read. Discover yourself and you will reap the rewards.
Men often struggle with just what to say to their wives. We tell them we love them but somehow this isn’t good enough. We tell them good morning and this doesn’t work either. “What’s going on?” men lament with a frustrated tone.
Think of Valentine’s Day. Saying the stuff you are just supposed to say or that you say everyday is like presenting her with a little candy heart. It’s nice, cute and is made of sugar, but it’s not that impressive. She wants the candy hearts. They are expected. You know that you’ll see them starting sometime in January and they will be everywhere. Well, what she wants every now and then is a Dove chocolate bar. I am speaking metaphorically of course. On occasion she wants you to stop what you’re doing, have her stop what she is doing and reveal to her your innermost thoughts regarding her. This takes a bit of planning, but you’re good at that. Jack Nicholson does it best in this scene from As Good As It Gets.
You might not be Jack, (my wife is thankful I’m not) so what can you say? Keep in mind that these just get you started. If she suspects that you’re response to her is canned, she’ll appreciate the effort, but it’ll be a Hershey’s Kiss, not a full Dove bar like you’re shooting for. Do this right and just wait’ll she gets a load of you.
- Remember that time we went to / ate at / ___________________? I really enjoyed it. You looked so beautiful. This tells her you were thinking about her earlier in the day. Keeping a collection of good memories that involve her can give you a quick resource.
- You are so good at ____________________. It helps me so much and I appreciate it. Women enjoy praise as much as men. Verifying her talents will show her you respect her talents.
- You’re such a good mom. She is constantly comparing herself to other women and families. She wants to know she’s a good mom and hearing this from you means a lot.
Speaking to your wife’s heart is how you can connect with her emotionally. It could be just what your relationship needs.