Men like to be in charge. Very few would want to admit that their wife wears the pants in the home. Women too like to believe they have a large say in what happens. Can’t it be both ways? I believe it can.
The peacock is an example of what young boys do when working to win a girl’s heart. His beautiful feathers serve no other purpose than to attract a mate. How did you win your wife over to thinking that you were THE man? The car you drove, the music you listened to, and the way you walked were all well calculated to show off much like the peacock does to the peahen. A girl noticed you and you began the ritualistic task of courting her. You learned what she liked and you worked to ensure she had those things whether it was flowers or other types of gifts. If you didn’t do it, someone else would.
It is during this time period that the woman effectively tames the man. When he was a “dude,” all he needed was a fishing pole and a truck. Fun was the name of the game. Not too many women swoon over sleeping in a truck so he must get a job and provide a place to live (typically this part involves her working too). This is how the human male species moves from being fun loving guys to responsible men/dads who take care of their families. He will do anything for her and she makes him happy with what she does. This slowly changes when a couple gets married. What happens?
In the dating process the man must choose between his fun-loving lifestyle and what it is going to take to win her affection. It’s an easy choice early in the relationship but it is this dynamic that starts conflict within marriages later. The woman wants the man to be a certain way, but he doesn’t want to be that way anymore. It was fine before, but something has changed and he believes she is controlling him.
One of two things is happening. First, maybe he’s not getting out enough. When a couple marries, the fun doesn’t have to stop. He can still do those things that he loves. By making sure he takes care of himself, he can take care of his family better. He needs to hunt, hike, fish, or play his drums. I tell my wife that I go on my hikes for me, but I come back for her.
The second thing that may be happening is that he has forgotten why he got married. Maybe it was lust at first, but there are more fulfilling things that come from a married relationship. The lust can continue, but that’s for another article. Without a home, a wife, or even kids to go home to, all a man has is going home and watching TV. This is fun for a time, but does not offer the long-lasting life that you got married for. Men have a desire to build and what better place to do this than in your own home? You must learn that it’s no longer about you being a “dude” but about you being a husband and a father.
Worried she’s in control? WELL, SHE IS!!! But it’s a good kind of control that you really want. The control that she has basically says, “If you are going to have a family with me, you must be responsible, caring, and trustworthy.” Don’t you want to give her that? If you do, she’ll be happy with your level of control wherein you win her heart again and again.