Nagging: A Girl’s BFF?

Wives, I bet when you nag your husband he totally loves you more with every cutting remark. When you first see him after work I bet he would rather hear you talk about the smell of the dirty dog than get a hug. Am I right? No, of course not, but some wives totally act like my ridiculous examples.

A lot of voice is given to men and where we mess up. Anger, addictions, poor communication skills, but nagging is the area a woman can fail miserably. Are you pleasant to be with? Do you want to have a happy husband? Nagging won’t get you there.

We often don’t think of our behavior, and this is why I have a job as a counselor. People do things that aren’t good for them. Wives, I challenge you today to look at what you do to your husband when nagging and ask, “What’s it like to be married to me?” If the answer isn’t in your favor in regards to nagging, here are some other things to consider.

Why do women nag? Maybe it’s because that’s what they saw their mother’s do. It was the example they had and now they are, “becoming like their mothers.” As hard as some may fight it, ending up like our parents is inevitable unless we work diligently to maximize their positive traits and minimize their negative. If your mother was a real brow beater to your dad, chances are you may end up that way too.

Nagging is a form of complaining and this is somewhat human. If we see something we don’t like, what do we do? We talk about it, but this does not change it. In nagging to complain are you trying to get your husband to do something? Buy new cabinets? Fix the bathroom window? If you want something to be changed, talk to your husband about it. Don’t nag for two weeks and then get upset when you think he should have followed through with what your incessant nagging was trying to get across to him.

Do you nag at your husband in order to try and change him? Do you constantly bring up his shortcomings in public? In front of family and friends? There’s nothing more emasculating than this. Think he’s not much of a man, nag him, and he will become even less of one. If you are concerned about your husband, don’t tear him down. Talk to him about your worries, set some goals (weight, cholesterol levels, work ethic, etc) and encourage him. Berating him verbally may have been what his mother did to get him to clean his room during his teen years. “You are such a slob!” It wasn’t good parenting then and it’s not good spousal dialogue now.

Nagging builds resentment, not bridges or good communication. Proverbs 27:15 says, “A constant dripping on a day of steady rain and a contentious woman are alike . . . .” Imagine a person in the rain with no available shelter. What do they do? They continue whatever it is they’re doing. No shelter, just getting wet and miserable. Is your nagging like a continuous down pour? Your husband, if he’s committed, will put up with it but he won’t be happy. Eventually however he may leave because, “It is better to live in a desert land than with a contentious and vexing woman.” (Proverbs 21:19) This is why men work late, watch a lot of TV, stay in their shop, and dread going home. It’s not a pleasant place.

Men, if you are concerned about your wife’s nagging, talk to her about it. She’s not happy about something. Help her find peace and happiness through your guidance and love.